Stupid Unicorns
by mabbeHUNYsun
Summary: ONESHOT: 17 year old Naruto and Sasuke are guards at Hogwarts under the codenames 'Raven' and 'Fox'. Everythings fine and dandy, until they get stuck babysitting a unicorn. Sasuke's a virgin and Naruto... not so much... sort of sasunaru :P


HEY GUYS! I know this isn't the newest chapter of ' The Power To Change' but bare with me, it will be resumed in a week because school is ending! Some chars are ooc in this fic, hope you don't mind. A reminder: English is not my first language, but I try my best. If I make any major mistakes, please tell me, but don't point out useless things to make me angry D: I hope it's somewhat readable :P

ENJOY!!!

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**STUPID UNICORNS**

**a one shot by mabbeHUNYsun**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or Harry Potter. The belong to Kishimoto and Rowling. This is purely FAN MADE.**

It was a calm, peaceful day at Hogwarts, and Harry smiled as the sun warmed his face. Him and his two best friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, were spread out on the grass in front of Hagrid's hut, waiting for the giant man to appear with some magical creature for their class. The other Gryffindors mulled about the clearing, gossiping and telling jokes as a few Slytherin perched themselves on low tree branches, throwing acorns and pine cones at unsuspecting passersby.

The two guards that Dumbledore had hired to keep an eye on the school (and on Harry) leaned against a tree, talking in a hushed, foreign language. They had shed their unusual, black clothing they had insisted on wearing for four months, and were now dressed in normal, Hogwarts clothing, minus the robes overtop. Many were surprised to see that the mysterious shinobi guards were barely older than themselves, but overtime the two had blended in, and even made some friends. They had refused to take off their odd masks though, much to Harry's and quite a few other's disappointment, but they were more than happy to share stories from their youth (well, the blonde one did, the black haired boy would merely nod once in a while.) Harry turned his head slightly to look at the two guards.

The shorter, blonde male ( at first, half of the students thought 'fox' was a female, since he had such a petite, womanly figure) wore a pair of low rise cutoffs, a soft, pale orange shirt layered over a light brown tank top, and orange converse. He looked too skinny to be such a brutal fighter, but when he and 'raven' had decided to have a 'friendly' spar in front of the school, Harry learned that he was certainly no lightweight. Said blonde was now giggling at something 'raven' had just said before sighing contentedly.

'Raven' was taller than 'fox' by at least three inches, and his toned body never made anyone doubt whether he was a man or not. He wore dark black cutoffs and a dark brown shirt with a red and white fan appliquéd on the sleeve. He wore a leather bracelet on his wrist with the same fan stamped onto it. He wore a pair of black converse with white feathers (read: I saw a pair like this and I WANT EM!) Raven's eyes never left the blonde's face, but his gaze suddenly switched to Harry, who quickly turned his head away, blushing.

"Stupid, STUPID!" Harry banged the heel of his palm onto his forehead, making Ron and Hermione look at him suspiciously.

"What's the matter Harry?" Hermione asked, propping herself up with one of her arms. She carefully tucked a strand of overly curly brown hair behind her ear and peered at Harry worriedly.

"Yea Harry, don't go slapping yourself for no good reason, people will think your bonkers!" Ron looked around quickly, to make sure no one was looking.

"I was daydreaming in Raven's direction. He must think I was staring at him or something, I looked like some creepy stalker!" Harry snapped. Raven and Fox were on good terms with the trio, and could often be found eating and walking with them to various classes, but they certainly weren't best friends, and they still made Harry somewhat uneasy.

Before Ron or Hermione could answer, they were startled to see Fox's gleaming porcelain mask looming over them. Ron squeaked.

"Yo!" Fox said, grinning as he raised a hand in salute. Raven stood beside him, arms folded lightly over his chest, obviously smirking.

"Hello!" Hermione said cheerfully, covering her surprise. They still weren't used to how fast the two shinobi could move.

"Aaah.. Hermione-chan, what type of magical creature do you think they'll have today?" Fox asked as he bounced up and down.

"Better not be spiders." Ron muttered, shivering slightly as Raven snickered.

At that moment, Hagrid appeared and the students grouped around the giant man. Harry, Ron and Hermione squeezed to the front of the group and greeted the giant as the shinobi went back to leaning against the tree, conversing in japanese.

" Well today class, I got a special treat fur ya." Hagrid boasted, his hands clamped together behind his back. He whistled softly and an amazingly white unicorn stepped out from the trees, it's hoofs shuffling softly through the grass.

Hagrid patted his pockets and frowned.

"Seems I left me lesson plan in Dumbledores office," He chuckled nervously, a few students groaning, "Do you think you could watch 'em fur me?" he asked the two shinobi cautiously.

Raven seemed to think for a moment as Fox yammered at him in japanese. He slowly nodded his head yes and Fox enveloped him in a hug which all the students AWWWWed at. Raven hesitantly pushed him away and strode forward, leading the blonde who's hips mesmerized a few girls... and boys. (read: bwahahaha XD) Hagrid nodded and grinned as he marched off, leaving the students to their gossip.

Raven marched up to the unicorn and stroked it softly, Grinning slightly as it leaned into his touch. When Fox walked towards the beast however, it shifted backwards nervously and avoided him, making the blonde whimper sadly.

Hermione was the first one to giggle... and then she burst out laughing as she watched the dark haired man pet the beautful unicorn.

"What's wrong?" Raven said calmly, but you couldn't miss the hint of anxiousness in his voice.

Hermione gasped for breath as Harry patted her on the back while Ron looked utterly confused.

"U-uu-unicorns only go to VIRGINS!" She chuckled as the group of students gathered around the two shinobi.

" What?" shouted Raven as he whisked his hand off of the unicorns back, making it neigh in protest.

Hermione calmed herself and cleared her throat as the students watched her eagerly, even Malfoy.

" Unicorns will only stay in the company of pure virgins, so when I saw you pet the unicorn so easily.." she stifled a snicker, " It must mean you're a virgin, correct?"

This made the students grouped around the shinobi laugh as poor Raven stuttered nervously, looking to Fox for help.

Fox was amazed. "You're a VIRGIN?" he gasped, pointing at Raven.

"Aren't you?" Raven growled as he slowly edged away from the unicorn who was following him.

Hermione once again cleared her throat and clasped her hands behind her back.

"On the contrary, the unicorn avoided Mr. Fox."

Raven gasped. "You're not a virgin?" he said, somewhat hurt.

The amazed students averted their attention to Fox, who was twiddling his thumbs.

"Not since I was fourteen." He shrugged, making many students blush and gasp, and Raven stutter.

"WHAT?" The ebony haired teen stormed, " you lost it only a year after I left?

"Hai, " Fox said nonchalantly as he checked out his fingernails, "I lost it to Sakura-chan.."

"SAKURA??!?!??" Raven screeched, making the students cringe. "Why would you ever... do...it.. with HER?" He said, motioning wildly with his hands in a very un-raven like way.

The students leaned forward in anticipation. Harry was amazed that Fox had lost his virginity at such a young age while Ron seemed to be doing an imitation of a gold fish :O.

"Well, it was on a genin camping trip with the rookie nine and me and Sakura built a campfire while the others headed to bed. Ever since puberty, that Sakura had her eye on me, and I knew she was waiting for the right time to make a move," At this, Raven fumed and the students leaned in, eager for details.(read:they're such pervs, no?XD) Harry fought back a blush and Ron fidgeted next to him.

"Well? Continue!" Raven snapped. "I want to know how it happened!"

"Anyways, so Sakura and I were roasting marshmallows see? And I ate this particularly messy one and got it on my lips and Sakura...."

"OKAY ENOUGH!" Raven snapped, his voice wet with emotion, "We get it... at least you only did it once, right?"

Fox resumed twiddling his thumbs.

"RIGHT?"

" sigh... weeeellll.... we dated for another year... and then there was Hinata..."

"Hinata too?" screeched Raven as he flung his arms around.

"Yeah... after ero-sennin.. died..., I was sad and alone.. and I saw Hinata and she told me about her crush and one thing led to another..."

"Jesus Na-Fox!" Hermione's ears perked at Raven's slip up, "Right after I leave too? And here I've been living in celibacy for the person I like... Damn it!" Raven snorted, his arms crossed. The two shinobi had yet to notice he crowd of Hogwarts students surrounding them. The unicorn shifted nervously.

"HEY! You've had plenty of chances you teme! Just because you didn't lose it to a fan girl when you had the chance in Konoha doesn't mean I'm in the wrong for wanting company!" Fox shouted as he clenched his fists.

"I didn't want to lose it to Sakura or Ino or some stupid fangirl you dobe! I was...I... ummm.." And with that, Raven marched away, blushing profusely while the unicorn trotted after him, carefully avoiding Fox.

Fox stood there, his hands unclenched, slumping somewhat as the students dispersed, chatting and gossiping about what had just occurred. Hermione looked at Fox and she felt awful. It had been her fault for revealing that Raven was a virgin, she had obviously ruined their relationship somewhat. The curly haired girl walked over to the slumped shinobi and patted his back as Ron and Harry followed suit.

The blonde ninja sighed and straightened a bit.

"I've got to find Sas- Raven before he throws a hissy fit and wrecks half of the castle.." he mumbled before walking off, his head lowered. Hermione bit her lip and Harry frowned.

" Who do you think he was saving his... ahem....virginity for?" he asked nervously while the others stared at Fox's retreating figure.

"Isn't it obvious?" Ron asked, the others turning to him with shocked faces,

"he was obviously saving it for Fox... you didn't know that Mione?"

Hermione masked her shock and mumbled an unintelligible answer before stalking off somewhere. Harry merely stared at him.

"What?" Ron said, crossing his arms, "I have older brothers... I know these things."

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FIN :P sooooo i have another story on the go, but i promise that a new chappy will be up soon for TPTC, next Friday perhaps?

Comin soon, 'The White Locust', it has an OC in it... Another Naruto fic :P


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